i was lucky, er, maybe unlucky enough to have been able to take a quick cat nap early this evening. this nap ended up being one with a dream of the “not so pleasant” variety. the dream started with me waking up in a bed in a house that i used to have in the hills. ironically, it was as if i was waking up from a nightmare because i was afraid, in panic, confused and yelling for my dog tony. (keep in mind for the past 8 years if i’m sleeping in my bed tony is usually sleeping in it as well). adding to the fun of my wake up was the fact i couldnt see. everything was black. after placing my hands on my face i soon discovered i had bandages around my eyes. while stumbling around i started to rip them off — there were 2 layers of what felt like gauze like material around my head. all the while i was still finding my way out of this house. since i knew my way around, i was able to reach out for a wall and find the stairs and i ended up making it outside. it was raining – you could smell and feel it. it was cold, dreary and definitely not la weather. the bandages finally came off and some vision slowly returned but it was blurry. the whole time i was yelling for tony…i cant underscore this fact…i mean yelling – scared for your life yelling.
anyway, the yard i stumbled out and into wasnt my yard. it was more like a big field. in it i heard the voice of my then roommate and some other couple. a dog came running up to me but it wasnt tony or at least i couldnt see it well enough to definitely calm my fears to verify it was him. in a flash that dog ran past me and disappeared and i was back yelling for tony. i also took note that the other people that i knew for sure were in the yard or that could see me didnt do anything – why? it was blurry, rainy and confusing and then i woke up.
dreams are fucking crazy but kinda great at the same time. so what does this mean? well im a big believer that dreams are usually one of 3 things. sometimes they are just a way our brains process and defrag all the random ocurrances in life by incorporating things and people you have come in contact with during your week or day. sometimes they can be ways we express our wishes and hopes but most of the time, and in this case, i think they express a subset of unique fears that we all carry around and hide away deep inside our pscyhe. the fears in the above dream are obvious….losing your best friend or someone you love is the crux of it. the themes of not having control over your life, being powerless and helpless are also there. sobering indeed.